Do I have a sign on my head...

For the weirdest dude in the bar to hit on me?
So it is New Years Eve and I am out with J and some of her co-workers (I will post again about the rest of the night but this one deserves his own post... you'll see why, keep reading!) at a bar in Canton, it is early and the first of many bars. Anyway, I excuse myself to have a cigarette at the bar, as not to bother the others. Let me stop here and explain that I am only smoking when I am out drinking and MD had passed a no smoking in public places law effective yesterday. So, looks like the days of my social smoking are over (maybe resolution #!? Keep your fingers crossed).
Back to the story... That is when "Steve" (aka-weird forward dude) comes into the picture. He was already sitting there but he turns to me and asked if my friends kicked me out and I said no, but I didn't want to bother them.
Then he pops out with, "I hope you don't mind me saying so but you are gorgeous."
"Thank you"
"So, where is your football player boyfriend?"
"I don't have one"
"Well you look like you should. How can someone like you be single, you must intimidate all them men."
"No, but thanks. I am just coming out of a marriage and just moved back to the area."
"Wow, you don't look old enough to have been married. You only look about 23. You look like you just graduated from high school. How old are you?"
"Definatly not that young, I'm 31."
Then he asked about my job and he is a business broker and he has big plans for 2008. Big ideas and big plans! Oh yea, he also just of a long relationship in the end of '06 and is ready to move on now. He really reminded me of a pro-speed dater.
Anyway, he then comes out with, "You really are beautiful, I would like to date you, I hope you don't mind, I am a forward person. You seem very well spoken and usually I only attract bar floozies, I am much better than that I don't know what it is about me."
He went on for a bit about himself then asked for my number. Then I did it, I just can't lie or be mean but I gave him my number (I hope he miss typed it!) WHY DID I DO THAT? Maybe it was the tequila of the magic of New Years but whatever it was, I let my guard down and gave out digits!
Well, he said he would call on Wednesday (today) and asked if I like sushi... he knows a great place. And we would see where this goes then kissed my hand.
Thank God that J swooped in to save me towards the end but the damage was already done. We left to venture on to the next bar and they laughed their asses off at this latest winner! Please pray that he doesn't call (but if he does... I will so let you know!)

So, two sober women walk into a bar...

... And a drunk guy asks me if I will marry him for the weekend. I say, "What the hell! I don't have any plans!" We all laugh and I turn to order a drinks and next thing I know he is giving me a hug from behind telling all of his friends to go on without him and that his wife over there will kill him when they get home!
Now here is the funny part... not only was he old enough to be my father but I was with my ex's mom, she was the other sober one!!

So there is this drunk guy at a bar...

I am sure you have heard this one before but I promise you it's good! If I have told you this then pleas bear with me, if I haven't then you will enjoy this one!
So I went out with my cousin a few weeks ago to a bar close by. We weren't the youngest ones there by far but we weren't the oldest either. We chose a seat off to the side in a booth where we could chat and people watch. So, here we are in the midst of an involved debate over the pros and cons of thong underwear (important stuff, I know) when some young guy (25-26 yrs old) sits down next to me. He introduces himself then tells us he is a little drunk, he just came from an engagement party. **Warning! Warning! Admittedly drunk youngster... Nothing good can happen!** Anyway, he is talking about relationships, marriage and blah, blah, blah. Then he looks at me and asks, "How old are you, what, 26?" Drunk or not, I take the compliment but I am honest and say, "That is so sweet, but no" "Really? 27?" he bounces back with. "Thanks but no." He keeps going... "28?" "No" "29?" with a little desperation in his voice. "Still no." "30?" "Still sweet, but no." "31?" said with a sound in his voice that was the most desperate I had heard yet. "Yes, I am 31." Then he looked at my cousin and I and said, "Wow, if I am still single at 30 I think I will kill myself."
No lie, I can't make this stuff up! Anyway, after I picked my jaw up off the ground I tried to excuse myself to the bathroom thinking that then he would leave, he didn't. But my cousin let me in on this... "Once you left he said, 'Wow, she is over 30, that is hot. I think she wants me just a little'." Yea, right!!
That goes to show you that there are beer goggles and beer confidence. I hate to break it to this guy but if he keeps spouting off lines like this he may not live to see 30, single or not!