Update... I am falling apart...

Today, it is the truth I am falling apart inside and out!! But first let me catch you up to speed. Thanks to all of the notes of encouragement, I truly appreciate it! Since my last post I have discussed custody with X... What it boils down to is this... He is fine the way things are but "family" wants more definition to guarantee that he (they) can see Bug when ever they want. If it came from his parents... piss on them, have I ever given them any reason why they should think I wouldn't? If it is coming from the minister... piss off! This is none of her damn business! If it is anyone else... BUTT OUT! And by the way, shame on him for being ok with sub-par, but then again things have been going on like this for so long why change now, right? Anyway, my lawyer is working on something now, wish me luck!
Now on to this week's drama because what would a week in my life be like without drama? I don't know, it has been so long! Yesterday morning I got an email from X and the subject line was "moving". Now take your time with this one, its good... He was writing to let me know that he and the minister will be moving into his parents house this weekend so that they can save money so that they can move closer to Bug because that is the most important thing he can do... have Bug close to her daddy. This decision came as the only way they could all come up with to deal with his finances. But don't worry, hopefully this won't interfere with me bringing Bug to visit them. Minister will go and stay with X's brother and wife while we are in town. Oh, and if I want to talk to him about this we can when Bug calls him next.
I went through a rainbow of sailor-worthy words and emotions after reading said email. And no, I did not break anything (yet). Also, I didn't discuss anything with him, what the hell is there to say. My father said it perfect last night when he said... "And I thought that his parents were smart people." Me too Dad, me too! But I did come up with a suggestion for them and their financial dilemma... GET A FUCKING JOB YOU LAZY SOB!!! You really will be able to save much more money that way, but hey, its just a thought! And how in the world can ever stay at his parents house again or even look at them for that matter. I've lost respect for them.
So, last night/ this morning I was laying in bed (from 2am-4am) probably still fuming from this email and I had a vision... The minister is pregos. Now I don't know for sure (it would be par for the course) but it was almost like a vision from... God. Yesterday during my counseling session (aka: my phone call to TX) I pretty much guessed that they are just waiting for the divorce papers to be signed so they can run off and get hitched but this prego thing actually made my stomach hurt but enough about my visions.
Why I am falling apart.... I assumed yesterday that he will be the death of me and he is trying to make me as crazy as he is. I must be having a break down, right? But this morning I end up breaking a bottle and cutting my hand at work which sends me to the hospital for three hours to them be glued up and sent back to work. Ugh! And as if that isn't enough I have already spilled acid on myself today, broken my coffee mug, and dropped a tray of plastic tubes. I think I need to put socks over my hands and go back to bed for the rest of the day... What do you think?

Ted and Stella...

Last night I sat down and watched one of the only shows I watch on a regular basis... How I Met Your Mother. I can't help it, I just really like that show! That crazy Barney, sweet Ted, horney Lilly, and dopey Marshall, and don't get me started on the fact that Robin was a pop-tart in Canada... Genius! Anyway, I love those characters and I love the newest one of them all... Stella. She is played by Sarah Chalke (also Elliott Reed from Scrubs), and is a single mom with a 6 year old daughter that just started dating Ted, well 2 months into it. I think the reason I lke her character so much is because it hits so close to home.
Last night we find out that she and Ted haven't slept together yet (2 months) but also that she hasn't had sex in 5 years! Side note... Not that long for me. Also that Ted hasn't met her daughter either. She hit the dail on the head... It all comes down to trust. It wasn't that she couldn't trust Ted, but she was afraid of getting hurt again. By the end of the show they close the deal but first she introduced Ted to her daughter. Lets face it... it is a sitcom, of course it would all work out!
Anyway, that brings me to my point... I have to confess something. I have trust and committment issues. But then again, who wouldn't in my shoes, right? Should I buy or rent? That is my big quesion now. I don't know if I want to committ to a house right now... what will happen in a few years. What about the bills that go with it? The repairs and yard work. I have a million what ifs and lets face it I may not be just talking about a house! I will get through these issues but for now I have my fence up and hopefully one day like Stella, I will meet my Ted.
PS- He better not screw this up or else I am never watching this show again!