If a picture says 1,000 words...

Then what the hell does insensitive in-laws sending you pictures of the minister say?
I got two emails today from the x-MIL and her sister in law of picts of the new baby in the family (the WM (whore-minister) was smiling and holding the baby in one) then another group where it was the family hanging out with out of town guest and WM was grinning away in those too. Now my question is this... Why in the hell did you send these to me?? Was this necessary? I will tell you... NO! NO! NO! NO! No it was not! UGH! What a Monday!

High hopes and aspirations...

I received and email yesterday from a friend of mine and she was sharing the response her son had to the question... What do you want to be when you grow up?
Well I asked Bug last night and without missing a beat she put her hands by her head like moose antlers and said, "Taller!" I laughed and said, "I think we can make that happen!"

Get off of my ass...

So one of my biggest pet peeves is bitching and moaning! I loathe it! And yea, yea, yea some (ok, more than some) of my posts are bitching and moaning about X. I get it! But I say it is more venting and expressing my fears and concerns. I try not to bend any one's ear about it, except on the occasion that it gets pretty bad and I am having trouble dealing with said situation.
Anyway, yesterday on my way home from work to pick up Bug I got a call from (insert presidential campaign of my choice here) asking for some help canvasing along with other grassroots efforts. My first reaction was, and I actually said this to the representative, Jason... "I am a single mom and it is really hard for me to get a sitter during the days on the weekends so I really can't help. Sorry."
After hanging up the phone I was really disappointed with myself! I am trying to branch out and meet new people and push myself to do new things. And the hardest part is that I am building up the confidence to do this on my own. It is ok to not know anyone at first, even you closest friends were strangers at some point, right? Also, I have caught my self complaining about our political process and voicing my opinions concerning the economy and many other things. Damn it, I really can't stand complainers and I am turning into one!
I picked up my cell and hit redial, explained who I am and that yes I am interested in helping out. I am looking forward to Jason emailing me the details and I told him that as long as I have a heads up I will try to get a sitter!
So, I am getting off my ass and suggest the same for you, political or not... stop bitching and do something about it! Oh and btw... exercise your rights and vote!
PS- C- this isn't like the "grassroots" efforts we made at midnight during the Clinton/Dole campaign! ;-)

Damn this is a great week....

If you read my post from yesterday you already know that this week has been going... stellar! Well to top it off I woke up this morning with an amazing allergic reaction to something but now I am covered with hives and I want to crawl out of my skin!! Aaahh!! Go figure! Hopefully this weekend will bring me better luck.

To lighten the mood I bring you a funny Bug story, "Monster Spray"
The other night Bug started freaking out about the monsters in her room. This is a first, we have never encountered this problem before. It was about an half after she went to bed and moments before I turned in for the night when I heard the cries. I raced into the room, remember these are "I'm scared" screams not "I don't want to be here" cries.
"Mommy, monsters get me."
"Its ok, honey."
"I scared."
"I know, its ok t o be scared. Lets lay down. It will be ok."
"No Mommy, monsters get me."
Uuhh... (crickets chirping) me frantically trying to figure out what to do.... searching for an answer... Umm... I grab a bottle of Downey Wrinkle Release (btw... I am a huge fan) and proclaim...
"Bug, you know what this is?"
"What Mommy?"
"Monster spray. It keeps the monsters away, just like bug spray. Where do you see the monsters?"
"There, there, there, and there on your bed."
Spray, spray, spray, spray... monsters are all gone.
The next day I dumped the rest of the Downey out and replaced it with water and a few drops of lavender oil for good measure!

Update... I am falling apart...

Today, it is the truth I am falling apart inside and out!! But first let me catch you up to speed. Thanks to all of the notes of encouragement, I truly appreciate it! Since my last post I have discussed custody with X... What it boils down to is this... He is fine the way things are but "family" wants more definition to guarantee that he (they) can see Bug when ever they want. If it came from his parents... piss on them, have I ever given them any reason why they should think I wouldn't? If it is coming from the minister... piss off! This is none of her damn business! If it is anyone else... BUTT OUT! And by the way, shame on him for being ok with sub-par, but then again things have been going on like this for so long why change now, right? Anyway, my lawyer is working on something now, wish me luck!
Now on to this week's drama because what would a week in my life be like without drama? I don't know, it has been so long! Yesterday morning I got an email from X and the subject line was "moving". Now take your time with this one, its good... He was writing to let me know that he and the minister will be moving into his parents house this weekend so that they can save money so that they can move closer to Bug because that is the most important thing he can do... have Bug close to her daddy. This decision came as the only way they could all come up with to deal with his finances. But don't worry, hopefully this won't interfere with me bringing Bug to visit them. Minister will go and stay with X's brother and wife while we are in town. Oh, and if I want to talk to him about this we can when Bug calls him next.
I went through a rainbow of sailor-worthy words and emotions after reading said email. And no, I did not break anything (yet). Also, I didn't discuss anything with him, what the hell is there to say. My father said it perfect last night when he said... "And I thought that his parents were smart people." Me too Dad, me too! But I did come up with a suggestion for them and their financial dilemma... GET A FUCKING JOB YOU LAZY SOB!!! You really will be able to save much more money that way, but hey, its just a thought! And how in the world can ever stay at his parents house again or even look at them for that matter. I've lost respect for them.
So, last night/ this morning I was laying in bed (from 2am-4am) probably still fuming from this email and I had a vision... The minister is pregos. Now I don't know for sure (it would be par for the course) but it was almost like a vision from... God. Yesterday during my counseling session (aka: my phone call to TX) I pretty much guessed that they are just waiting for the divorce papers to be signed so they can run off and get hitched but this prego thing actually made my stomach hurt but enough about my visions.
Why I am falling apart.... I assumed yesterday that he will be the death of me and he is trying to make me as crazy as he is. I must be having a break down, right? But this morning I end up breaking a bottle and cutting my hand at work which sends me to the hospital for three hours to them be glued up and sent back to work. Ugh! And as if that isn't enough I have already spilled acid on myself today, broken my coffee mug, and dropped a tray of plastic tubes. I think I need to put socks over my hands and go back to bed for the rest of the day... What do you think?

Posession is 9/10 of the law...

There are a ton of things I could talk about right now... Susan Palin and the politics, my past weekend and the fact that I found out that X is a true asshole, or that good things happen to good people and no matter what we want to believe... bad things happen to good people too, or again about this past weekend and the fact that his grandmother passed away. She was a light, the type of person that brightens up a room, the type of person we all can be and want to be but aren't. Today was her funeral and tonight Bug picked up a book that she had to read before bed, we don't normally read before bed, and it was a book that her g-g-ma sent to Bug in June about being loved just the way she is. Maybe it was a coincidence but I doubt it. But that is not what I am going to write about.
Today I talked to my lawyer about finalizing this separation to a full fledged divorce and when I hung up the phone I was flustered, terrified, and unsure. It has been almost 18 months since this separation began and probably years since the drama between X and I began so why should I be the least bit upset about closing this door? I will tell you why in one word... Bug! He wants details in our paperwork about custody. When I saw him this past weekend, he wasn't himself. I mean he was but he wasn't, and just enough for me not to feel like I can predict him anymore and that is what scares me!
It is the next day now and I just emailed him... I have started talking to a lawyer and what are your ideas on custody? It took me almost an hour to press send but I finally did it. And now I wait for a response. I keep looking at the tab at the bottom of the screen to say (1 unread) and when it does my heart races, I take a deep breath, my eyes tear up and I will myself to check... it was a previous co-worker. That doesn't help because his could be the next one. I am unsure and scared. I am sitting here with a lump in my throat and it sucks! I need some fresh air and to get away from my thoughts and the computer for a bit.
I keep my fingers crossed. God, I don't want this to be a battle and I don't want him to take away my Bug for even a day. And I hate him because I know that one day he will want to and Damn It! It is not fair!