Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wanna see...

When I picked Bug up from school yesterday she was wearing a tank top and shorts... This was odd for two reasons. 1) When she went to school she was wearing a dress and 2) She will only wear dresses these days! Ok, so reason #1 is not too weird but there was nothing spilled on her dress and there were no panties that needed to be cleaned, that is what made it odd. When we got home I was cleaning out her bag and I tossed her dress into the laundry and I asked Bug...
"Did you spill something on your dress today?"
"No, I show my friends my big girl pants and my teacher put shirt and shorts on me"
Now, I don't know about you but my Bug likes to tell stories. Not that this was unbelievable, it was completely believable and that kinda worried me, and also I guess I never noticed this behavior before.
So, this morning when I took her to school I saw her teacher and asked about it. She confirmed Bug's story, my tiny flasher. The only other question I had was if it was just her panties she was showing and her teacher wasn't sure... I really have my hands full with this one!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Honest with no advice...

Last night I stayed up late talking with an old friend of mine. We caught up on a lot of things then we got on the topic of dating and he confirmed what I guess I knew all along. But I think it is a universal truth that was spoken from a single man my own age... Honestly, I would think twice dating a chick with a kid, unless I, you know, already knew her. Like you and I , I already know you so that is different but I don't want to take on some one's other issues. Sorry to tell you that.
Hey, at least he was being honest. So I asked him, what do I do? Do I keep it to myself for the first date or two. I talk about work but what about the other 16 hours of the day? Do I just overlook what occupies 99% of my 'free' time? Obviously, I wouldn't chat about what happened on last night's Dora the Explorer, duh? Or do I mention it, be open and up front about it, and let them run?

Friday, August 22, 2008

A shout out to my college friends...

I want to take a minute to say thank you to all of my buddies from college, especially my sorority sisters. Back in the day I used to say I was learning more "life lessons" than academics during my higher education years. Well, I have to say, in hindsight, I was mostly right but some of the academics did sink in at some point. Back to my point... One very improntant "life lesson" was used jut the other night while assisting Bug during her time of need... the stomach virus. Let me say here that it was a very unfortunate choice of of lunches I packed for her that day, tacos and oranges. Even though she liked it, still not a good sight in rewind!
So, here is where I say thank you to all of you whom I heard praying to the porcelin gods in the community restroom after 10pm on any given weekend (sometimes during the week, too) night. Thank you to all of you I witnessed hanging out a window, over a ledge or rail, or leaning against a tree (or side of a house) heaving all of your insides out. Thank you also to any of you I had to clean up after any of those unfortunate events, like in the inside of my old Nova. I won't mention any names, ok Shitter? ;) Because of all of you and your dedicated efforts I have developed a strong stomach that was able to take having said lunch spewed on me and the bathroom and the ablility to lovingly comfort Bug while cleaning up after her. Thank you, your efforts have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated!
"I can't be hard on you 'cauz you know I've been there too..."
-"Good Intentions" by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I met the devil yesterday and he had dimples...

I came off of my xx-week gym hiatus yesterday. Wait, let me rewind a bit... I am not doing to make excuses as to why I haven't been going so I will just say I haven't been to the gym in a while. Anyway, recently I have been on edge and not able to shake it off any other way I have tried but no, that was not the breaking point. My breaking point came when I found the perfect dress for an 80's cover band show/ girl's night out. Picture this... A strapless black dress that isn't tight but definitely fits perfect with hot pink polka dots (small) all over with a black patent leather belt and I have the perfect patent leather wedge heels to go with it, I am so excited. Well, this dressing room, like all of the other God forsaken ones out there, makes the clothing look great, in turn, making you look great in it... Sold! Here is the best part... I found it at Goodwill for less than $8! So, I get home and try it on with my heels and strapless bra and, oh wait, what is that... a little puffiness by my arm fold? What won't do. Oooh, no, this is a bit more revealing than I remember too. And here comes the decision... Hmm, I need to drop about 5 lbs (the magic 5lbs we all need to loose) and this will be fabulous! Fast forward to yesterday... So yesterday was my first day back to the gym and calorie counting... I mean business; I hope I can last, the sow is 3 weeks away!
I get to the gym and change, I even remembered the combination to my lock, go me!! I heat to the elliptical trainer with a purpose, woman on a mission! Plug into Oprah and I am off!
Side note: The other day I made okra for dinner and Bug kept calling it Oprah. It was pretty funny!
Sorry, anyway, here I am ellipticaling away and I glance over to the mirror to make sure I don't look like a complete ass and OMG!! I look again, SHIT! Now it is like a freaking train wreck, I can't even will myself to look away... Damn that natural light from the windows, I saw cellulite on my thighs. Bear with me, this was the first sighting ever, so please let me be a little dramatic! I made the worst decision ever yesterday, I decided to wear shorts instead of my usual capris because of the false sense of security I had from my faint summer glow.
Well, as if I wasn't determined before, I am now. Wish me luck. But why me? Why me? Why? why? why....

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Something to think about...

"He used to say soul shine,
Its better than the sunshine,
Its better than the moonshine,
Damn sure better than the rain.
Hey now people don't mind,
If we all get this way sometime,
Gotta let your soul shine.
Shine till the break of day."

-"Soulshine" by Warren Haynes

I heard this song today, its one of my favorites. It is a beautiful day outside, I slept well last night, I am in a great mood....
Its a good day!

My special friend...

Last night I asked my parents if any one of their children was as fascinated with their "pieces and parts" (aka... privates) as Bug is. Of the three of us, it was my sister. She got an orange crayon stuck in her 'gina. Don't worry, a day and a half later it came out and she proclaimed, with said crayon in her hand, "Here-d dit is!" Side note... The doctor said that once the muscles relax it will come out on its own. My brother on the other hand was much more fascinated with his nose but that is another story for another day.
This came about when Bug was exploring her neither regions with her toy dog but this is not about her 'gina it is about what my mother called vaginas, actually all privates for that matter, last night. Some call it a hoo-ha, a va-j-jay, flower, pieces and parts, girlie parts, privates, woo-wee, puthy (please don't ask), twitchet (seriously, don't ask), our goods, a woo-woo, and our personal favorite the vagina ( actually 'gina). No, not my mother! Last night she called it our special friend (I thought that was Flow... again another story in about 12 years). And according to my mother Bug is a big fan of her 'special friend'.
Lucky for us, Bug's special friend has not been hiding any toys and hopefully we can keep it that way!!

Does this make my butt look fat...

Let me start by saying that I feed my child well. Pro-veggies, whole foods, fresh fruits, lean meats, whole grain breads, ok sure, there is the occasional fish stick but the kid even eats salmon. Kudos to me!! Sweets aren't avoided but they are kept at a minimum. I even avoid the over processed juices in the juice isle, I prefer the pureed juices or the homemade ones.
But what I can't understand is why Bug's two favorite foods (I use this term loosely) are butter and toothpaste. You would think it makes it easier for "brush our teeth" time but it is always the same... a glob of toothpaste for the tooth brush and then she sticks the tube in her mouth (or scrapes some of the semi-dried stuff off from next to the dispenser) and sucks it down then we can brush away. It is either that or deal with the tears... which would you choose??
Even better though was just last night when I caught her in the fridge biting off some of a stick of butter, gross! The stick of butter always has little finger gouges out of the top. Thank God we aren't having a dinner party any time soon!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

My daughter, the cock-block...

I knew it would happen at some point and I even psyched my self up for it... it will weed out the losers. But it happened for real and not in my head! I went out on a date a week ago with GC. It was almost a blind date, he was a bartender I had been making "eyes" with and I got ballsy. I was going to just five him my number when I payed the check... but with my luck I got chicken-shit and he got busy so I sent my wing-gal up with digits in hand. The hand-off was a success but did you notice there was little to no conversation here... AKA_ I didn't even know his name!!! FFwd a week and a half later and I get a call and after working out some scheduling issues we met up.
Luckily, I remembered him when I saw him, phew! Which is more than I can say for some of the other dates I have had! Anyway, we talk and I find out that he helps design menus for area restaurants using local food, he knows a lot about wine and beer, he is a world traveler, and an artist whom is considering furniture making... In many ways Aiden from Sex and the City... Hhhmm, I can just imagine this fantasy life with Aiden, er, I mean, GC.
Oh, did I mention we went to the same high school? I graduated in 199... and he in 2001, the same year as my brother!! Thats besides the point, I can get past that because he is finishing up his master's degree in another country, one with rolling green hills and across an ocean from here. But that too, that is fine with me! That means no commitment and I am 100% down with that! A summer fling on a tight schedule... that might be just what the doctor ordered!
So over half way through the date (I tried to feel it out) I drop part of my bomb... Bug (I left the whole "D" thing out of it). He seems cool about it but things got a little weird after that. When dinner was over he walked me to my car and I told him I had a really nice time and he said he did too. No kiss, but he said he would call, I don't believe him but thats just my "mother's intuition".

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Woa Joe..,

I have to tell you, I have a new crush. His name is Joe and I see him almost every morning before I get to work. He doesn't even know that I exist but that is ok, I will manage! He is cute in a John Mayer with stage make up kind of way. He is a good listener and a little goofy. He is great with kids and animals. I know that Bug likes him too, much more that Steve. She even asks for him in the mornings. He can sing, not fantastic... I wouldn't want anyone up-staging me, ha!! He is almost a celebrity at least in this house... he is Joe from Blue's Clues! Oh Joe... please come and take us into your world of animation...

Friday, August 1, 2008

For good and for bad... A Weekend Recap...

Well I am back from my trip and I wanted to have a bit of fun with this recap. Of course there was the typical issues and the others I was preparing myself for but there was also fun to be had!
So here is the game (yes, I am amusing mainly myself at this point but humor me, ok?) I will give you a topic and you decide if it was used For Good or For Bad then I will explain.

1. Text Messaging...
For bad... all X did was text the minister the entire weekend, even while he was supposed to be watching Bug in the pool, bastard! But, I am not surprised!

2. Chele's ass...
For good... it blocked the speakers in the ghetto vinyl van on the way to the tubing drop off. They were playing horrible country music!

3. Moonshine...
For bad... on my visit to the old neighbors, their neighbors whipped out their stash of the shine, apple. Tasted fantastic, like spiced cider with a kick. It was bad because there was no real reason to bring out a good stash (unless they were celebrating my return, and in that case I couldn't celebrate that way... I was driving) I say save that till the fall... Maybe a Halloween party, that would be good.

4. Baby Bottles...
For good... sure made some people look ridiculous sucking on them at a baby shower for a game!

5. Chocolate Cake...
For bad... when smeared on a white couch by a toddler that was un-invited to a party that she was still brought to... oops!

6. Child Support...
For good... finally! Well, partially good but it is about damn time!!

7. Chili's Waiter...
For good... especially when he gets the scoop on why this is the first time in 10 years that you and a college buddy have hung out and it is like "he" never happen! The best part was the look on his face!

8. Cover Bands...
For bad... when they are in the parking lot of a shopping center on a 95degree day on the black asphalt and they are no good because they even mess up the lyrics of a Beetles song!

9. Wine...
For good... how else do you think I survived? That and the bag from the box of wine takes up minimal space in the cooler and is very flexible for tubing!

10. Digital Cameras...
For good... as long as you are taking pictures for good reasons and not to take fat picts of X for amusement and in that case... still for good (as long as the opposite isn't happening to me)!

11. Identity Theft...
For bad... did you even have to think about that one? Especially when another buddy from college was supposed to meet up with you but had to cancel because large sums of money went missing from his account! Boo on you if you thought it was for good!

12. Cell Phones...
This one can go either way... For good... making plans, seeing where folks when we were supposed to meet by12:30 (yes Chele, I'm talking about you), when receiving a call from a cute bartender you were eyeing up the other week
For bad... when you leave them in some one's car and wake up at 3am trying to remember where it is and when it is missing you are at a total loss for every one's phone number... it is in the cell phone!! Also, and this is a gimme, when X is on it the entire time with the minister... for very bad!

There you have it... the first round of For Good or For Bad... What do you think?