Big beds....

Today is the day and I am a little nervous! Strike that... A LOT NERVOUS! Tonight is Bug's first night in her new big-girl bed. I know it is a tough decision for every parent but this is huge! I know she is ready but I am not... I'd better et used to that, I have a feeling that is how the rest of our lives will be.... She is ready and I am not! School, boys, driving, sleep-overs, even visits to her dad's without me.... Aaagghh! I am about to have a panic attack! Don't laugh, I am not kidding!
I know this is normal for me to feel like this, one less thing that I have control over. But I really like those four rails that hold her safely in her bed... all night long!! Did I mention that I am sharing a bedroom with her now? After work today, I get to go home and reorganize the bedroom (that is the size of a large shoe box) so it will safely contain the both of us. Here are just a few of my fears, in no particular order...
-I am terrified that she will crawl into bed with me, scare me and I will throw her onto the floor.
-I will wake up to find her staring at me and I will scream and scare her.
-She will poke me in the eye and I be startled awake and hit her in the face.
-She will get up in the middle of the night and hang herself on a belt I forgot to put away.
-The dog will jump up on her bed and wake her up, she will scream and wake me up and I will pee in the bed.
-She will climb out of bed in the middle of the night, play, then fall asleep on the floor. I will get up to go to the bathroom and step on her.
-I will be worried about all of the above possibilities and lay in bed and watch her sleep all night.
Those are just a few of my fears but did you notice that all of them involved bodily harm and NO SLEEP! I will keep you updated but I think that this will be a long weekend!!

Good Friday...

So, here it is, Good Friday, and not the one that went down in history (not the big one but my history). A few posts ago I mentioned just how fantastic (please note the sarcasm) last Easter was. Well, Good Friday was the climax of it all. The day that will go down in my history that I found out my husband was in love with a minister from Charlotte and MySpace told me so! So, my friends will post about Easter savings, play dates, and candy and I will post about this. Not that this is any more or less important but it is what is going on with me.
But you know what, that was a year ago and I am not sad anymore. I can't lie, I am still a little hurt and even a little angry. My life has been a whirlwind in the past year. Bug is one year older (so am I but we won't talk about that), we live in a new city, and I have a new job. I have made some new friends and even made friends with people I have know my entire life. I have even dated and kissed a few frogs. I still have some of my bad habits but I have got some new good ones too. I choose not to think if today negatively, you know, the day it ended. Because, lets face it, one thing ended but a million things started!!
Easter is about being reborn, if you don't believe me , look it up in the bible! Spring is new, refreshing, and changing... what is not to be happy about?? And here it is... Good Friday, a very Good Friday!

The persuit of happiness...

So, I was pondering, actually, lets face it, racking my brain trying to figure out what to write about today! I was on CNN today and after reading that Spitzer's call girl was tied to Girls Gone Wild, Ooh, shocking, I know. Then I came across another article... Awaken Your Joy. I had a few minutes so I started to read then it hit me... today's topic... Happiness and Joy. To often I get bogged down focusing on the negatives and dwelling on the bad things that my days become ho-hum. Well, I say, "Not today, it may be raining outside but it's not going to bring me down!"
So, here is my list of things that made me happy so far today:

Bug not falling out of the crib
Not needing to hit the snooze button
Carrying Bug into the den first thing and snuggling with her before the day starts
Having a busy day ahead of me
Those thoughts only you know that make you smile
Seeing Bug walk around this morning in her unzipped footed pjs w/ one foot out
Snuggling with the dog before getting out of bed
Funny emails
Civil emails with my ex
Black bean pizza for breakfast
Singing "5 Little Monkeys" in the car by request
Not being the crazy "my child needs to stay clean" mom
Being asked if I watched the play-in game last night
... and being able to answer, "Yes"
Every time my phone vibrates... get your minds out of the gutter!
Friends... new and old
Black bean pizza for lunch (two pieces total)
My instrument working well
Daydreaming

And you know what... its only mid-afternoon. I am having a pretty good day!

Happy St. Paddy's Day...

So, my day started off stellar... First off... It is Monday morning and I woke up with the residuals of a migraine. Then Bug fell out of the crib and now has a goose-egg on her head, just in time for the Easter photos. Fantastic! Looks like we will be shopping for a big-girl bed this weekend. Any tips? And yes, we will be going for the toddler size, we do have limited space!
Later, I took her to the doctor. I pulled a tick out of her ear the other day and now it is red, I got a little worried, can you blame me? Also, she has had this diaper rash for a while and it is pretty bad so since I was there I mentioned it. As it turns out, nothing to worry about with the ear but she has strep in her hiney... go figure! Don't worry, I've never heard about that either. So now I have an antibiotic and a cream for her ass!
Looks like the Luck-o-the-Irish has not been with me today but tonight I will toast with a pint of Guinness and hope for better days ahead! Happy St. Patrick's Day to you, be safe!!

The smell of a man...

What is it about a good smelling man, especially one that is put together and smelling awesome. Not overwhelming or overpowering, it has to be subtle. You know, stand close to smell him or a faint linger as he walks past. I know this seems like a senseless post, but hey I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Actually they say that sent is connected to more memories than any visuals. Pretty amazing, talk about body chemistry.
This is why sent has been on my mind... 1- I was hanging out with a friend recently and this guy leans in to talk to me and yum! I don't think I heard all of what said but wow! I won't forget him any time soon. 2- I am at the bagel shop this morning and the guy next to me... Well, I will just say... Better than the bagels!
Here is where I say thanks to the person who created cologne. I appreciate you (and so do my hormones)! You have made men much easier on the nose, thanks!

Well, I am back...

And I am about as unscathed as possible! Lets face it, going into the battle fields, I knew ahead of time that I would come out with at least a few bumps and bruises.
Bug was so happy to see her grandparents and she squealed with delight when she saw her daddy when she saw him waiting for her. It was really hard but I managed to put my cynical self on the shelf, I didn't even roll my eyes once (ok, probably a few times, but it was by accident, I promise). I just kept reminding myself that this trip was for her.
The Ex
Well, he is larger than ever... for real! I would venture to say he was puffier than I was in my post delivery pictures... Now that is puffy! He pretty much did as he pleased and was rather hands off with her. I know that he is not used to be around her but he wanted me to wipe her butt for her. I looked at him and said, "Just ask her to touch her toes, it makes it easier." I did find out that he and the minister are still together. And apparently he has got a pretty free ride. They are living together and he is having enough of a time making our mortgage payments. Oh well, that is her problem to deal with. Speaking of her... Not only is she a minister that screws other people's husbands, but she drinks like a fish from what I understand. And in her denomination those Southern Ba... frown upon that! Still, that didn't ruin my weekend (kinda funny actually) what really went all over me was his complete disregard for anything I said. An udder lack of respect! For example... naps and lunch two hours late but this one was the icing on the cake... She wasn't eating all that great one day and we were talking about that. I said, "How about this, after nap, let's give her a small snack then give her a good dinner early, around 5. She will be hungry and that way she won't be so picky and she will eat some veggies." I get a blank stare and "ok". The two of them go out to the mall and Target and when they come back she is running around and won't sit down and by now it is over 4 hours since snack time, I will mention here that she also had a new Tinkerbell dress and a new Princess Arora doll. I ask her if she is hungry and she says no. I ask him if they ate anything while they were out and I then find out that yes she had a large sugar cookie of her own, then half of his, and washed it down with a Coke Icee. I tried to maintain my composure, said ok, walked upstairs and cried. And that was what my weekend was with him! The SOB is now the "fun" parent who is uninvolved and buys his daughter's love. Awesome!
The un-in-laws
Not so bad here. I knew it would happen eventually but this weekend I just didn't belong. I am now on the outside. I suppose I didn't make it better because I tried to stay as busy as possible while I was there. But even on outings the conversation lulled just a bit. I didn't let it get me down but I did say something once when his mom brought some things up. I just told her that I don't fit in any more, I am on the outside. And now no one knows quite what to say to me after they ask about my job and my family. His mom and I were having one of our heart-to-hearts one night and I finally started to tell her some of the details not only of the break-up but of the break-down of my marriage, I know it was hard for her to hear but she needed to hear it as much as I needed to say it. She said there is a little part of her that wants us back together and she asked if it would ever happen. I just said no.
The extended family
His brother and sister-in-law came over about every day to visit and see Bug. I found out that they are, actually she, is pregnant... 12 weeks to be exact. Good for them! I know that they were worried and expecting it to be hard for them to conceive. However, for me it is bittersweet. I was just telling a friend of mine last week that that is one of those hard things I am trying to come to terms with... Bug will most likely be my one and only. And that is pretty hard for me to be ok with. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy for them and my other friends that are expecting but it is just a reminder of my own situation.
His aunt and uncle were in town also and that was nice but it kind of went along with what I was saying about not fitting in. Oh well, not much I can do now.
My other fun
I was able to see my old work pals and neighbor friends. I had fun painting the town red and playing till the wee hours in the morning (damn that time change). I realized, you know it is a good friend when it only takes ten minutes to feel like nothing ever changed and no time has passed! I really had fun! A redneck Grateful Dead cover band in a smoky bar, a radio station, fried anchovies (yummy) and jealous bitches (ha!), gentleman ranchers, My Super Sweet 16 and possible rehab, Russian rock, Gregorio the goat, dance party, wine, waking a husband up with the heat, and seeing that my house isn't my home anymore .
My favorite part
Aside from seeing my friends, which was stellar! Every morning Bug would wake me up and we would cuddle up in my bed. Not much of a change from home but we had a bigger bed and no reason to get up, we were on vacation! We would talk, snooze, and tickle. That was the best! That was our time and no one else's!! That is what I get for not being the fun parent, for not buying her love. That is what I get for being involved and loving her every day with my heart. Even after three hours of sleep, that was my favorite part.
Would I do it again... of course, for her and for me. I would take those tears and awkwardness again because the good times really wiped it away. That and I know that it gets better with time.

Don't miss me too much...

I will be back next week with what I am sure will be fantastic stories!! I am leaving this afternoon to take Bug to see her Dad and grandparents. It should definatly be an adventure starting with the airplane ride with a 2 1/2 year old then staying with the ex-in-laws. On a good note... the ex has been on steroids for a few months and should more bloated than I was in the photos right after giving birth... I can't wait! Wish me luck and I will see you soon!

Dancing in the stars...

It is official...1- there is too much princess time in our house and 2- Bug is more of a girlie-girl than I ever have been... Ever! The other day my parents were watching Bug while I went to a baby shower and when I got home this is the story I was told...
Bug and Grandpa were watching Cinderella and when the ballroom scene came up she started dancing along (no surprise here) then she asked Grandpa to join her. Being a good sport he played right along. Then she said, "Grandpa pick me up and dance." He did and they were gliding around the family room. He and my Mom noticed that using her free hand, Bug had lifted the hem of her dress while they danced... just like Cinderella. When the real Cinderella and Prince Charming finished dancing and walked to the pond Bug made Grandpa stop and grabbed his hand and led him into the living room, through the dining room, and back to the family room. They sat down and finished their movie.
I only wish I had been there to see it myself!

My crazy family...

All I am saying is that I sincerely hope that this apple fell a little further from the tree than most, or at least on the other side of the tree... let me explain...
The other evening at tinner with my parents we were discussing plans for Easter. Then my folks started remembering plans from years past.
"I can't remember, what did we do last year?" one said.
"Hmm, I don't remember." responded the other.
"You came down to my house last year, remember? Your last minute vacation?" I interjected with a sarcastic and flat tone while I remembered what will go down as "the worst Easter weekend" to date. It was Good Friday I discovered my ex's "other activities", Great Freaking Friday! Anyway, back to the story...
"Oh yeah, that was a really nice weekend." said my mother.
(with a quizzical look on my face...) "No, it wasn't" I respond.
"It was, Bug had a nice Easter egg hunt and we had a nice dinner, what did we have again?" replied my mother (are you asking yourself "Is this woman high?" because I was at this point)
"No, it sucked, it was really horrible" I say getting a little defensive.
"Really? I thought it was nice."
Cross eyed I just changed the subject. And this is what I get to deal with on a regular basis. Please tell me that my apple fell on my father's side of the tree, I am begging you!