Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Gym adventures....

So yesterday was my return to the gym after my 6+ week sebatical, I say 6+ because I don't even want to admit to myself just how long it has been. I have had my excuses, I mean reasons, as to why I haven't gone (house, weather, sicknesses, work, etc.) but lets face it... I didn't want to and it didn't take all that much convincing!
Anyway, so back to yesterday... my excuses had run out, and even though it was raining, I went. It was like a walk of shame, I hadn't seen any of these people in months, I mean weeks and then I had to put on my dreaded workout clothes. Now you have to see this was one of my main motivating factors... I feel like I am getting fluffy and I will not stand for it!! So, back to the gym... I change and almost break a sweat. It is so humid in there I already feel gross! This isn't going to be pretty! I will be sweating like a whore in church in under two minutes I just know it!
I walk into the gym and pick my poison... the black oliptical that backs up to the window, not the mirror. There I can see everyone in the gym and no one can see my ass bouncing away and the only negative is that the only shows on are The People's Court, ESPN, and the music video channel but I can handle it.
Three and a half minutes into my "workout" I spot a familiar face. No, I say to myself... not a chance. I keep chugging along. Then it hits me... Holy Shit! I think it is the bartender/ teacher, Son of a b...!! Now, not only am I highly out of shape but now I have to keep going... I can't stop, it is may pride on the line and if that really is him... he is looking a little fluffy (fluffier than I feel and much more than I remember... good for him for getting to the gym)!!! I resort to the stripper music on the iPod to keep me going... this isn't going to go well. Focus MB, FOCUS!! 18min into it "Hot gym guy" walks in. Ok, that is a good distraction! I keep going but I can feel the burn!! Thank God no one can hear the things going on in my head, then everyone would know just how crazy I am! PEDAL BACKWARD flashes on the oliptical... Ok, reverse it and I get back into the groove. George Michael's "Freedom" comes on the video channel. I switch my headphones and I am jammin out. If I was alone I would have been totally rockin' it! Did I mention the ammount of eye candy there yesterday? Apparently spring brings out the best... a couple of crew cuts and fine arms where were they all winter, and also all of those pretty co-eds, ugh, nicely tanned and perfect hair who only wear lip gloss... you wait till you are older, looks will only take you so far! Sorry, bitter detour! Anyway, I take a sip of water at the same time loosing my groove and almost bust ass. It is official... I will never be smooth or cool, why me?? Finally I am done, time to head upstairs to kill myself with crunches. I avoid the bartender... he is tuned into his tunes, I wouldn't want to disturb him.
I go upstairs and realize, I am about to die. I casually look down and notice that the bartender is walking out. Thank God, I can leave and take my out of shape, sweaty self home. No, no, NO!! Here he come up the steps. UGH! Back to it MB! I resort to stretching, it is the closest thing to laying down I can handle and there is an old man hogging the sit-up bench. Now on to leg lifts and then I am done! I fufilled my duties and I am done. I grab my stuff and go!
On my way to go and pick up Bug, I actually feel bad for not saying anything to the bartender. At least a friendly hey would have been nice. Lets face it I may be a lot of things but rude is not (mainly) one of them.
Fastforward to later that night... I do (one of) the most impersonal things... I text the bartender. "Hey stranger! Odd question, were you @ Merritt today? I wasn't sure if it was you or I would've said hey!" And he replies... "Good to hear from you. Nope, that would have been really embarrassing!" No shit, it would have been and all that over nothing! Oh well, such is my life!
A buddy of mine said it once... "Why is it that the things you think you hear are always funnier than what it really was?" Well here is my twist... Why is it the things you think you see are always crazier than what they really are?


Anonymous said...

I Love it.. Sad thing i can count the many many times i have gone up to people with full excitment only to realize i don't know them from atom.. ha ha ha..l. Rosie

Michele said...

So true...so true....
I think it is the woman's mind, always working in some form or fashion. It just usually isn't working in a manner conducive to wearing skin tight workout wear in front of "hot gym guys".